It was two years ago today, a very brave and desperate Chinese momma (and possibly baba), had to surrender and and say goodbye to her sweet daughter, her baby girl.
… a baby girl who was nurtured, cared for and loved for over 5 months and then (because of many unfair, wrong and desperate circumstances) was left in front of an orphanage.
….It’s a horrible and terrible tragedy.
I can not imagine Tahlia’s horror, a little baby who had lost her world that day. Oh, the fear she must have felt. I wonder about that fear every time I see a 5 month old baby who clings to their momma. My mind flashes backs to what it must have been like for Tahlia to live that nightmare.
 I sob myself to sleep sometimes when I dwell on it. I want to travel back in time to that very place and wrap my arms around my scared little 5 1/2 month old daughter who suddenly looked around and saw all strangers in her world, who wanted nothing more than to be in her birth mom’s arms.
I can NOT imagine the sadness, the terror, the emptiness, the desperation that her birth momma must have felt to have to rip her precious baby girl from her chest and walk away.
 I am so thankful that she was left where she was SURE she’d be found, she could NOT keep her, but she selflessly left her to be discovered quickly. It was, I believe, an act of fierce love. Such a sacrifice.
Tahlia was so loved then, just as she is now.
 Tahlia’s birth mom, a woman who I feel more connection to than any other woman on this earth and yet who I will most likely never meet, is always heavy on my heart and mind.
When I think about her, it brings me to tears to imagine her thoughts as she remembers her daughter, the sweet curly- lipped angel baby who she gave life to and held close for over 5 months, and wonders what happened to her.
 It rips my heart to pieces to imagine Tahlia’s pain to be separated from her birth mom that day.
 So much unbelievable grief, Lord.
We live in such a broken world, and it’s not supposed to be that way…. precious babies are not supposed to ever feel that kind of wrenching pain, that kind of bleak separation, and that kind of outrageous fear. Mothers are not supposed to have to let go of their babies.
But, He isn’t done.
God did not leave our sweet daughter without hope, just as he has not left us without hope.
 He has given us a great rescuer of hope.
 Hope through a Man who made the ultimate sacrifice for each one of us so we can be saved us from this broken world.
 Jesus, God’s Son, is our hope.
God promises that He will come back one day and redeem this world for those who’ve called on Him…..and He will set all the lonely in families. He has a plan to restore us! He is our hope!
Lord, please give Tahlia Xiuhanna’s birth mom a special peace that surpasses all understanding. One that comforts her to know that her baby girl is ok, and is forever loved, and cared for. Fill her empty space, her longing, with your comfort, a comfort that only YOU can give. Draw her and her family to you in a powerful way. Be with her as she grieves and thinks about that sad day in September, just 2 years ago.
Johanna, you are an inspiration and a beautiful disciple. I am moved and humbled to read your words and feel the love you give. Love, Cousin Barbara
Johanna, beautifully put! I couldn't even bring myself to post about Cadie's finding just 8 days ago. Just 8 days apart our little girls were found and placed in the same orphanage a half a world away! Did they share a crib? Did they share clothes, nannies? So many questions we will never have answers for…and I too think about Cadie's birthmom all the time. And everytime I get hug, cuddle,kiss my girl, or if she does something that completely astounds us, I think about the woman who had to let her go. I also can barely bring myself to imagine the fear that Cadie felt being left alone…I just can't fathom what it was like for both daughter and mother. Thank you for sharing an experience that has been very hard for me to put into words! Peace.
Beautifully written. I often think of Rinnah's birth mother, too. Such brave mothers our little ones had, and we are forever grateful to them for their sacrifice. I pray for blessings for them.
thank you for your sweet words Barb, and for reading my blog!xoxoxo
Christine, last night when I put Tahlia to bed I just held her close and felt such a sense of sadness….and yet, thankfulness.It is so hard to explain. Such mixed emotions. Its very hard. Wow…Cadie and Tahlia were found just 8 days apart? Their eyes and hearts saw and felt so much similar emotion and experience,at the same time. (sigh). I am so thankful our girls are in our arms.:)
yes, so so grateful.:)
Thank you again Johanna for finding the words when I am so lost to find them. Grace turned three on Sunday, it is estimated that two days after her birth she was left. So, this week has been a week of joy… celebrating our darling Grace… and pain as I think of her birth mother in China and all that Grace endured three years ago. You have (again) put into words my heart-ache for our daughters. I can only pray that somehow I will meet Grace's birth mother in heaven and be able to thank her and tell her all about the amazing daugher we share.
Heart wrenching. So thankful God placed in her forever family.