A fabulous day….a very hard night

It’s just 6 am. Daddy, Tahlia and Bella are asleep peacefully cuddled on the bed…I finally get some blogging time.

We had so much fun today. We went to the Safari park. It started with a 20 minute safari ride through African and Asian jungles…then we walked the rest of the zoo and this has got to be the best zoo we have ever been to! Tahlia was sleeping in the beginning in my Ergo, but then woke up during the Safari train ride!! And, she just started pointing to all the animals!
****Helaina, Ethan, and Ashton: We took LOTS and LOTS of animal pictures just for you guys, because we wanted you to feel like you were there with us. We really really missed you and wished you could have been there with us….but, we think you will LOVE the pics!!!! Helaina: we saw guinea pigs and bunnies!!

let me just tell you why this was such an amazing day:
-We saw panda bears!
-Tahlia had more experiences in one day then she’s probably had her whole little life. She kept pointing and grunting to each animal!! Helaina, I think we have another animal lover in the family!!
-We got to feed Jo’s favorite animal: the Giraffe
-Tahlia walked a little bit for us!!! She was holding me and Bella’s hand, it was so stinkin’ adorable!
-Tahlia rode her first carousel rides…and loved it! She wasn’t too keen about the other rides, though! LOL
-Let’s see……oh, Isabella and daddy RODE AN ELEPHANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wait till you see the pics!! It felt like we were in Thailand!
-Isabella got to bottle feed a baby white tiger!! Can you believe that?
-Tahlia played “Hi-five” with daddy and smiled! (HUGE STEP)
-the weather was high 60’s and sunny….you couldn’ t have asked for a better day!
-It was so awesome to be out of the hotel room!!!

**side note: all the locals still dress in winter coats and boots because they think this weather is “freezing”!! This is their “winter”
LOL ..They look at us like we are crazy with just jackets….or short-sleeves!!

It was a fabulous afternoon, and it brought such joy to our hearts to be bonding with Tahlia and giving her an experience she has never had before, and to see it all through her eyes! She just “lit” up when she saw an animal….especially the hippos!!!:)

ok……then we came home. We had been out from 9-4 and…..
here comes the “hard” part of the day (just keepin’ it real here, folks):

So, Tahlia has NOT had a bowel movement since she has been with us. ouch. :(. It is very common for the nannies to constipate them before the long 5 hour trip to the civil affairs office, plus you couple that with being in a totally new situation and her little body just shutting down! But, she is eating….so imagine how backed up her little tummy is :(.
So, we’ve been giving her baby food prunes…..to no avail. Well, last night I had to break out the glycerin suppositories and I have never had to use these before…cause my bio kiddies have never had issues with poop! LOL…sorry if TMI!
So, you have a very “over-stimulated” and tired and cranky baby, with tummy pains….who is crying.
Then, we have to basically traumatize the poor thing with trying this suppository which was unsuccessful! ugh.
Now, here I am very upset …to the point of tears because I felt like I failed trying to help her with this suppository because I couldn’t get it in her…yet, she is screaming! It was just an awful few moments!!
Then, it was like my flood gates just blew open….I cried, and cried and cried. I cried because it’s so hard to care for a baby when you are plopped in the middle of a foreign land and you don’t have the resources available to you that you need…..that you are used to. I cried because she is so broken….her heart is so scared. It just fills me with sadness to not be able to explain to her that all this is for her best. I know, it will come in time…but in that moment it was so hard to accept. That this little baby, your daughter is unable to fully trust you (especially after scaring her with this aweful suppository). I cried because her heart is broken in such a way, that we can’t fully console her yet…it will take time. It’s so hard to remain almost like a “bystander” to her grief….trying to comfort her. Its so hard. I cried because I am home-sick and I miss my babies at home. I cried because I am still so overwhelmed with the gift of Tahlia….that she is now in my arms. The one I prayed for for so long…It overwhelms my heart.
Well, you know what happens when the foundation crumbles…all that was leaning on that foundation crumbles too. When I broke down, my Bella did too. She evidently needed a REALLY good cry too.:( It was cleansing for the both of us. Tears can be a very good thing. She has been so amazing…..its felt like she has grown more in the past week then in her whole life. We are so proud of her and how she pours herself into her sister….its truly an incredible sight. But, she is home-sick too and misses her family and friends….China is hard to get comfortable in….she misses the comforts of home. 🙁 She just doesn’t understand why we can’t just take our baby home NOW! LOL….She just wants to bring sister home. I get it.
After lots of tissues and “a mexican dinner date with daddy” we all came to the conclusion that the Lord is giving us more understanding hearts of how incredibly hard this is for Tahlia. She has been plucked out of everything that is familiar to her. …and placed with foreign people, and in a foreign world. Of course, we all know that this is for her best. Orphanage life is no way for a baby to grow up…but she doesn’t understand that…all she knows is that her life has been turned upside down, and her heart is sad and she is unsure of all the changes. I do thank God that our arms are able to soothe her heart…and quiet her tears.
While Bella and daddy went to have a mexican dinner in China (hee-hee) I stayed home and just held my baby girl…prayed over her and sang to her. Kept whispering in her ear in Cantonese: “it’s ok, momma loves you…we understand” over and over. We laid down in bed and we both drifted right to sleep. Later, I heard Bella and daddy come in…and the next thing I know…we were all laying together in bed like sardines. Isabella, me, baby and daddy. It was quite precious to wake up to Tahlia kicking off her covers (she must not be used to them) and to her sucking thumb sounds as she would drift back to sleep with a peaceful heart surrounded by those who are trying to win her heart.
You know what….It’s all worth it…every tear….every hard moment…. She is SO SO WORTH it!

and, today is a new day….we are rested and ready to take on the world! Today, is her medical….it won’t be fun. There will be more tears. But, then we get to walk around the island and shop and it’ll be nice to have a change of scenery!
Thank you all for your continued prayers…and encouraging comments and notes. We cling to your loving words…it makes us feel not so very far away. Thank you for pouring love on us.

We are trying very hard to “be in the moment.” The moments here are incredible, to say the least…even, the hard moments. It is amazing to be in Tahlia’s birth-land and to get to bond with her in this intimate way…..it’s special and necessary for so many reasons. But, we are thankful that we get to come home in one week!!!

Thank you for following along!!! xoxox

Here are the pics from our day yesterday (we included extra animal shots for our kiddies)

at the end of the album is a pic of a TV tower: its the largest tower in the world.

tahlia day 4 (safari park)