about her “special need”….

This morning Brian and I took all four kids with us to AI Dupont Children’s hospital and sat down with the Cleft team coordinator to discuss Tahlia’s future care. This was such an encouraging appt. We weren’t able to get a “substitute teacher” for the kiddies to stay at home, but I am so glad they ended up coming along because they needed to hear all of the information too. They are so in love with their new sister and worried about all the surgeries in her future as well.

I am so grateful to say that Tahlia’s team is one of the best in the nation. I have heard so many wonderful things about Dr. Napoli who will be the actual dr. performing her reconstruction surgery on her lip and palate. He is wonderful. We were all amazed at looking at the “before and after” pics. The transformation is incredible.

Basically, we learned that Tahlia will have an appt in January to meet with the 15 specialists on the cleft team, and to schedule her first surgery which will probably happen in February as long as she appears physically ready. This surgery will most likely be to first fix her palate. The dr. wants to repair this first so that Tahlia can start improving her speech right away. She will be in the hospital about 2 nights for this procedure. Then about 3 months later she will get her lip repaired. She will then be in the hospital for one night following this procedure. And, if all goes well and the surgeries were successful, she won’t need another surgery till she is 7 or 8, in which they will correct her gum line. Even though the future operations are scary to us, I know that God places us just 25 minutes from one of the best cleft/crano-facial teams in the country….He did that for a reason. 🙂 He just knew.

Call us crazy, but we really were encouraged this morning. Yes, our baby girl is going to have to go through a lot of pain, the recovery will be so uncomfortable for her….which hurts my heart to think about. :(. But, the confidence of the doctors and just knowing what is ahead of us makes us feel better. Knowledge is comfort.

So, about her cleft. How did we end up getting a child with cleft? Let my just tell you this: It was God…all God. I am going to share something with you all in order to show how God’s hand is so sovereign, even despite our fears and decisions.
Last spring Brian and I were told to fill out a “special needs checklist” of what we could and couldn’t accept. This bothered me so much and I struggled, we both did. There were certain items that were easy to check …and, some items that were easy not to check. We knew there were certain needs that we were not capable of handling. For instance, deafness….we don’t know sign language, and thought that it would be very hard to accommodate that special need. Yet, if we biologically conceived a child who was deaf….we would certainly learn what we would need to learn to be a great parent. So, even that check box is hard.

There were many items we researched and were torn over. How could we choose from a list that held so many intimidating words? Yet, so so many babies waiting to be adopted with special needs. Oh, Lord…. don’t make us choose!!! Here’s the thing, I didn’t want to “box God in” to my check boxes. See, I didn’t know who our daughter was. But, I knew He had already chosen her….what if I miss her because we didn’t check the right box?? (my human mind thinking) …..And, the more we researched each “need” the harder it would become to decide if we should “check it or not check it.” Quite frankly, so many needs are just so daunting! I just wanted God to fill out the paper. Let HIM DECIDE!!! I didn’t get to fill out a checklist when we got pregnant. We just simply had to trust that God would give us what He chooses….we hope for the best! But we wait, and trust. Staring at that checklist just opened up a big ol’ can of FEAR!

It just so happens that one of the items that we were torn over was “cleft lip and palate” It was unfamiliar, and scary, knowing of all the surgeries and speech issues in the future. Though, we did a lot of research and reasoned that this was just cosmetic, and the children are otherwise healthy. So, this was comforting. We marked “yes”. But, then…after more research (I hate google sometimes) I was wavering and got scared (again, of the unknowns), and I asked Brian if maybe we should take it off our list because the idea of those major surgeries was very disconcerting! I would read of other adopter’s experiences, calling this a “moderate need” and not a “minor need” (I guess because of all the surgeries and possible future speech therapy). I knew there were many children with clefts waiting for families to love them. `Thousands of children in China are abandoned for this very reason. But, fear set in. We then called our agency director to have it taken off our list, uncheck that box! However, we did not feel a peace, just more turmoil (I really don’t like that list). So, we just went back to praying……but, we didn’t add it back to the the list.
Would you believe that God is so amazing and just absolutely NOT limited to our fears or lists, or “lack of checks”!! Our director contacted us on the 4th of July with the file of Nan Xiu Xiu. She said that, although we had taken cleft lip/palate off our checklist, she still wanted to know if we wanted to see this file and consider it. She said she doesn’t usually go outside of the checklist, but felt the desire to ask us to view the files. WOW…….****God is SOVEREIGN****

So, I prayed (even before telling Brian that we were asked to view a file)…I prayed that God would speak through Brian as to whether we should even look at it. I then got up from the computer and “calmly” told Brian that our director wanted to know if we would like to view the file of a little girl (screaming inside, but keeping a calm demeanor)…..”ummm, with cleft lip and palate”. I waited for his answer (knowing and trusting God would use Brian to either open the door, or shut it) and Brian said : “absolutley!!!!” (my mouth fell open in shock and awe) I knew God was working!! A peace, that transcended all understanding, just simply washed over my heart. I ran downstairs, almost tripping, and couldn’t wait to lay eyes on this child’s pics! Brian yelled for me to WAIT FOR HIM!!! LOL
There were actually two files that were sent to us. But, as soon as we saw our Xiu Xiu’s face we knew she was our daughter.

It was very super-natural….no, it was so God. God is not limited by out fears and doubts…and foolish mistakes (like taking cleft off a check list).

It’s like Moses when he was standing in front of the burning bush and God had told him to go tell Pharoah to “let his people go” and Moses, said “no God, I can’t do this….I am not good with words”….Well, God helped Moses and still used him, despite his fears. He led the Isrealites out of Egypt! Then, there is Jonah…..oh yeah, there was a man of fear. He even RAN from God, and even jumped overboard….ummm, I can relate. But, God mercifully brought a whale to save him and give him another chance. Jonah was filled with fear, kept running….but God kept pursuing him. And, God’s purposes prevailed through Jonah. Even though we can become paralyzed by gripping fears, God still works through us. Then, we are called to step forward and trust Him.

Yeah, we are out of our comfort zone….in a big way. And, fears still creep up from time to time. But, God doesn’t call us to be comfortable…he calls us to reckless faith for Him. Mary wasn’t comfortable when she heard she would carry Jesus. Abraham wasn’t comfortable when he was told Sarah would bear a son at such an old old age. Was Noah comfortable building a big ol’ ark while everyone laughed and mocked at him? Was Moses’ mom comfortable putting her dear son in a basket to float away to a stranger? Was Miriam comfortable watching her brother be claimed by the Egyptian princess? Were the disciples comfortable laying down their lives to follow Jesus? Was Paul comfortable in jail? ummm, no. I am beginning to think that following Jesus, is not always comfortable….and when we get comfortable, we better do a “spirit/life check”. God calls us out of our comfort zones….into an exciting life of serving Him, and showing love to those He loves. However, the peace in knowing you are in the center of His will….nothing compares. He melts away the fears.

Though, we are human….we struggle with fear and doubt. I am so thankful that God is not limited by our fears and doubts. And, that He (in His grace) worked despite our fears. He still put our daughter in front of our eyes and allowed our hearts to feel the “peace that transcends all understanding.” He chose her, not us. He chose her “special need”…not us. When we truly seek his will, He is so gracious to reveal His plans and purposes for our lives. I am so glad we didn’t “miss” her….We are so blessed to get to be her parents. His hand has been in this from the beginning.

I look at my Tahlia and, to be honest, I don’t even see her cleft anymore. I just see utter cuteness. :)Her lips are so sweet and I can’t wait to kiss them. That delicate mouth tells a story. It tells a story of sadness, for this most likely was the reason she was abandoned over a year ago by her birth family. But, those sweet lips also tell a story of joy and hope, for it is that precious, beautiful mouth that will have brought her to us. She is beautiful, and I pray she will be able to look at her infant/toddler (pre-operation) pics one day and see herself the way we see her. That she will see God’s fingerprints all over her beautiful life….that she will see how wonderfully she was made in her birth mom’s womb. Xiu Xiu means beautiful, beautiful. And, so is the story God is weaving of her life. I know God is in control…..her future is in His hands, and He has big plans for her life.