My Family just got home from watching the much anticipated Frozen 2 movie! It did not disappoint for many reasons and we truly loved it for all its breathtaking scenery, it’s layers and depths of emotion, the devotion and faithfulness of the characters to each other, and, of course, the incredible MUSIC and the beloved, most hilarious Olaf! He was simply adorable!
But what we loved, most of all, was that Disney did not sugar-coat grief or try and fix it, but they allowed Anna to express all her despair without making it sound hopeful and pretty and “princess-y.”
Thank you, Disney, for not being afraid to show the absolute hopelessness and darkness and ugliness of “death” and loss. Because, this is what true bravery is….allowing yourself to express aloud, with no shame, the darkness that groans and writhes from within.
Too often in our culture the grieving are shamed for outwardly expressing the ugliness of grief and the thrashing torture of deep loss. To often, the grieving get slapped with band-aids so the world does not have to see all the hemorrhaging. ….and this is true for children too. They need to be allowed to give words to their agony. They need to be allowed to bleed out loud!
Thank you for taking us to her cave of darkness and allowing us to sit with her in the midnight of her soul…to bleed with her and ache with her.
Warning, Spoilers ahead:
Probably one of the best and most powerful Disney scenes (SPOILERS AHEAD) of all time was also the saddest where Anna loses her dear Olaf and then slowly realizes that she had also tragically lost her sister too. She was plummeted to a state of despair, and languishing grief that translated painfully through her heart-rending song., “The Next Right Thing.” The song opens with the weeping and groaning in her voice…she can hardly speak.. ..hardly sing. Her pain is palpable and real and relatable. Her bravery is more real now then in any other scene. This is Anna at her bravest.
I’ve seen dark before
But not like this
This is cold
This is empty
This is numb
The life I knew is over
The lights are out
Hello, darkness
I’m ready to succumb (Lyrics to “The Next Right Thing)
For my family, this excruciating scene resonated with us in a very deep and personal way. See, just over 18 months ago, we were holding our 6 year old beautiful baby girl in our arms, just as Anna was holding Olaf. But, her heart and lungs were broken beyond repair. We carried her into heaven while being deeply slayed here on earth. It was the darkest and most desperate moment of our lives and we could barely breathe and we felt as though we were dying too, right along with her. Part of our hearts did die right there with her that night. And as Anna said, “everything will NEVER be the same again.”
Life is never the same.
Living and breathing with great loss and the choking, heaviness of grief is the ultimate act of courage.
So, I want to say….Thank you Disney. Thank you for not censoring the offensiveness of grief . Thank you for not being afraid to portray the realness and raw pain of losing someone you love. I’m thankful this movie was not weary to plunge Anna into her darkest depths of a literal and figurative cave, drowning in what feels like utter hopelessness and despair of the loss of her sister. Because death is a true feeling of hopelessness. All you know, in that terrible moment, is that you are dying too. Her lyrics that she sang were real and palpable and mirrored our own grieving hearts in our own caves of darkness….
I follow you around
I always have
But you’ve gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity
It pulls me down
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
“You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing” (Lyrics from “The Next Right Thing”)
Especially For my children, who know the torturing tragedy of sibling loss, I’m so thankful that Disney did not sugarcoat death or grief, nor avoid the temptation to easily pass over the sorrow and darkness of loss with a fluffy “Cinderella” anthem or a band-aid moto all about optimism, butterflies, rainbows and platitude- filled lyrics. So often, grief is censored with “feel good statements, that do not feel good.”
Because you can not fix grief. Anna knew that….. You need to sit in it. You need to feel ALL of it.
Her song was raw. Her song was real. Her dark cave was very familiar.
I am so glad that Disney allowed Anna to feel all the pain and agony (through song) of the suffering that one faces when they’ve lost what feels like their absolute everything.
Thank you for also showing the truth that the brave act of “the next right thing”…even just the next breath and step into the darkest night, after deep loss, is the most hardest and yet the most courageous act of all. That raw, rising -up from your own ocean of tears to limp forward into the dawn’s small sliver of light is the truest show of bravery there ever was. It is not a “moving on”…it is a brave next step forward. Carrying all the grief and love with you. Disney did this pivotal moment such justice. Her song was a declaration for all those who grieve. Her agony and the gritty act of doing the next thing, while still holding all the pressing pain. The misery of imagining life without your special person, yet rising up, even when you feel like dying yourself…when HOPE just feels so very gone.
I won’t look too far ahead
It’s too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make
(Lyrics from “The Next Right Thing”)
Each brave step forward ultimately is a step towards this truth and promise of HOPE ….but that does NOT take away the torture of that next step, nor the never-ending pain that needs to be expressed openly and fully and not gagged or judged.
Because, sometimes the only thing that helps a grieving soul is free non-censored expression and, I am sure, throwing big boulders at those big giants, as Anna did, was helpful too! **Side note**: I swear, grievers need a room where they can just throw plates at a wall and break all the things!
Though grief can be paralyzing, as it was in the beginning of her song, Grief and loss also have the power to make you braver and bolder and more daring too, with each brave stumble into the darkness, with each hard choice, you become a true survivor of your story!
So I’ll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then
When it’s clear that everything will never be the same again?
Then I’ll make the choice
To hear that voice
And do the next right thing (Lyrics from “The Next Right Thing”)
Thank you for inviting us to bear witness to her depths of suffering through these accurate lyrics and her aching and trembling voice and her declaration of despair in the night, because death is ugly and it hurts and our culture needs to be braver about letting others sing out all their awkward, and uncomfortable heart-wrenching misery for as long as they need to.
Sometimes the Next Right Thing, is simply to breathe out all your agony without shame, again and again. To sing out all the wrongness of it all!
True Bravery is surviving loss with every breath forward.
So, thank you Disney, for hugging mine and my kids’ aching hearts with a movie that sat with us in our own caves of grief and did not pretend it away, or gag our sorrow with traditional princessy-song of optimism and sunshiney platitudes that this Western world is so accustomed to offering to the “hopeless.”
Thank you for inviting us to sit in the darkness with Anna and her uncomfortable, awkward, and painstaking grief song of lament.
And though I wish her Fairy Tale ending, was our earthly ending… what I absolutely do know is that their reunion on that shore, with pink skies and heavenly happiness and long embraces with their lost (and now redeemed) loved ones was an accurate picture of what my reunion will be with my daughter one day, what my kids’ embrace with their sister will be one day… It was an accurate glimpse into the greatest story of all…the greatest rescue of all.. the happiest happy ending of all that God is writing for each of our lives. But, He is not afraid of our ugly lament, He sits with us in our greatest darkness and He weeps too. We know this because He suffered with us. He did the ultimate act of courage and sent JESUS TO DIE for us, to rescue us! Death is not the end, though it can feel like the end.
There is a resurrection hope for all who believe! But, even in holding this truth, the darkness of death is real and choking.
We will get our fairy tale ending… God is not done rescuing our broken world from this state of darkness! Each step forward, into the greatest depths of sorrow, is a brave choice to follow the light of hope.…
Jesus is light and hope in our blackest midnight of our souls!
“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’” (John 11:25-26)