Well, I thought I was….But, Jesus…can I choose what area of life to be poured out onto? Cause, I am really drained in this one area……(long pause)hello, God….???……………ok, I guess not.
But Jesus, I just get so bitter and upset about not having this go “my way”. I want to change it, I want you to change it! I want my babies at peace at night. I want them to feel fully secure, not scared or anxious or needing me at 3 am.

 It is an act of your will, not your emotions. Tell God you are ready to be offered as a sacrifice for Him. 

Ok, I now see as plain as day, that THIS is what my sacrifice is to be. This is what you want of me. To give it up…… To let go, to let YOU be my strength. To lean on you, cause you are not changing it….are you?

Then accept the consequences as they come, without any complaints, in spite of what God may send your way. 

Please forgive me for being such a complainer and whiner. Oh how I love to complain.
You didn’t complain when you carried the cross, bore my sins, suffered in agony for me….a sinner.
You didn’t complain, but YOU had every right. You loved me…you were poured out for me.

I must accept that something won’t look like what I feel it should look like in mothering these little ones. I must accept that my expectations won’t be met all the time, especially in this area. I must accept that it will be messy, humbling and hard at times. I must accept that it will stretch me, pull me and and it won’t be comfortable. I must accept that this is how I am to love them. This is what they need….ME….at 3am.

Aren’t they so sweet?

God sends you through a crisis in private, where no other person can help you. 

My crisis comes in the dark, with little ones needing me at my most vulnerable, weakest of moments.

From the outside your life may appear to be the same, but the difference is taking place in your will. 

 
Lord, help my WILL in those times to bend to what you want me to do, take charge of my mind. Help me to rise up and LOVE when it is hard in this dark, quiet, sleepy hours….help me to sacrifice and lay down my desires and to give grace. When circumstances don’t change, help me to be the one to change.

Once you have experienced the crisis in your will, you will take no thought of the cost when it begins to affect you externally. 

When my heart is bend towards your will, not my own. Then, I will no longer agonize over lost sleep, lost comfort, lost strength….

If you don’t deal with God on the level of your will first, the result will be only to arouse sympathy for yourself.

How many times do I miss the chance to bend my will to you, my Jesus. How many times do I miss the opportunity to let you be my strength, to show you love by sacrificing my “wants”. How many times do I spend more time feeling sorry for myself, instead of allowing you to work through me. How many times do I miss the opportunity to be sanctified, changed from the inside out…..

Help me Jesus to bend my will towards you and what you want from me, to be poured out as an offering to you when things don’t go my way.

“Bind the sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar” (Psalm 118:27). You must be willing to be placed on the altar and go through the fire; willing to experience what the altar represents-burning, purification, and separation for only one purpose-the elimination of every desire and affection not grounded in or directed toward God. But you don’t eliminate it, God does. You “bind the sacrifice . . . to the horns of the altar” and see to it that you don’t wallow in self-pity once the fire begins. 

Today I bind my desire to have the “perfect rest and sleep” at night. I bind my desire for “ME TIME”. I bind my desire for children who make it through the night without needing me. I bind my desire for what I want. I ask forgiveness for wallowing in self-pity and missing the moment to show YOU to my babies in their greatest time of need. (Even if I show grace and love  on my outside, and my heart isn’t following….Lord, YOU see my heart)

After you have gone through the fire, there will be nothing that will be able to trouble or depress you. 

Lord, Less of me….and more of you….
May Depression of my circumstances not strangle me any longer. There is freedom in being poured out, freedom in sacrifice.
Help me Lord to dwell on this truth in the weak moments, the tired moments….the hard moments. The selfish moments.


When another crisis arises, you will realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What fire lies ahead in your life?

I look forward to not being a victim of my circumstance, to not losing my cool….and surrendering to your will. Allowing your love to pour through me as I lay down my will….



Tell God you are ready to be poured out as an offering, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.

Oh Jesus, I am ready. Please change me, your ways are better than my ways. Free me from my own expectations, free me to love like you do! FREE ME TO find joy at 3am.

peace in momma’s arms….

I  AM  READY! 

(**but, feel free to surprise me and let my babies sleep through the night) 🙂