Our “updated” family canvas finally came in.:)
You see, This is not just another picture on the wall….
I hung it up right away!
Seriously, I ripped it open and BAM, on the wall it went!
It represents so much. A visible reminder …a sobering reminder.
I love seeing all my babies in our laps!! Our 6 precious treasures. .. Thankful to Red Thread Sessions for capturing this special “pre-surgery- pre-fixed” heart season.
I stare at this photo and ponder where our minds, and hearts were that day…. just days before leaving for Boston…looking at her blue lips that display that cheesy grin… clueless of the HUGE battle she would soon endure.
…a season of pure faith, not knowing how truly big that mountain would be that we would scale, and not fully comprehending the mighty power of our Jesus that we would encounter…..a time of blind faith.
…a season of pure faith, not knowing how truly big that mountain would be that we would scale, and not fully comprehending the mighty power of our Jesus that we would encounter…..a time of blind faith.
That’s how we should live every day, in utter reliance of God’s sovereignty and full trust in Him for the outcome. But its easier said than done. Especially as you see your child so close to the edge of death. .. Sigh….
He could have taken her. He is God and I am not. He is in control, He gives and He can take away. I hate that we have NO CONTROL.
No matter how hard we prayed, I’ve never feared so much what God’s will would be. …what His answer could be. We were given no guarantee. No promise. I had to wait and trust on the edge.
But we were given HOPE and we clung so tightly.
AND she is SO worth that fight. Every child is.
AND she is SO worth that fight. Every child is.
We are just So thankful for His mercy and this miracle of her “made new” heart …..and that 3 months later, while gazing at this family photo I do not have to grieve or be sad or fall to my knees in anger and anguish.
I can’t even imagine….this is the hard reality for so many heart warrior’s families. ;(
Oh Thank You dear Jesus. ..my merciful, gracious Jesus for choosing to allow us to keep Gianna here with us on earth, in our family…a gift I don’t take for granted. Ever.
You could have taken her, dear God.
You could have taken her, dear God.
I live in a new soberness now….a quiet, somber season. An almost stunned-like reality. Sometimes I just blank out, like a deer in headlights, as I ponder it all.
I am unable to process. It is heavy.
Sometimes I try to stay very busy (like painting kitchen cabinets like a crazy woman) so I don’t have to think…..
I have deep joy but I grieve deeply too….
I have such thankfulness yet such sorrow and heavy-heartedness. I carry both so very equally.
I hate what she and so many precious heart babies have to endure to fight this uphill battle. They are all my heroes, They have an unbelievable strength. I hate that not all of them make it…..SO UNFAIR!
There are so many CHD warriors who do not win their arduous battle and fight with their broken hearts ….and my heart is so heavy as I grieve the shocking and recent passing of two precious heart warriors.
Their moms were close friends of mine in Boston and a precious support system as we walked the CICU time together.
We were on very different heart warrior journeys, yet we understood each other in a deep way …it was such a sacred time, a somber time of waiting on the edge together. Hoping together.
It changes you to live the CICU life for any stretch of time. You leave scarred and changed in a raw way. So many stories….victories….losses.
My heart is crushed to imagine these dear moms’ pain.
There are just no adequate words to express my sorrow….just complete devastation over the loss of their precious treasures. They were such fighters.
I hate CHD.
I hate CHD.
Please pray with me for these dear broken-hearted families…for strength to endure their unfathomable reality. PRAY for peace. Though, I can’t imagine there is much peace in having to let go of your warrior.
…tears.
Oh Jesus, come back….this is such a broken world. Please come and make right and restore all that is wrong!
(Sigh.)
And I’m currently storming the gates of heaven on behalf of another CICU mama, a dear friend who’s little boy is fighting for his life.
(Sigh.)
And I’m currently storming the gates of heaven on behalf of another CICU mama, a dear friend who’s little boy is fighting for his life.
They were across the hall from us. His sweet mama and I bonded over their similar heart stories. And, we celebrated milestones together…and we hoped together.
Please join me in praying for dear Travis
He has the same diagnosis as Gianna and the same operations and similar surgical history.
Yet he is now waiting for a new hero heart. He took a turn for the worst. He is fighting hard and he is so brave. My heart is so heavily burdened for him and his precious family.
PLEASE JESUS, SAVE TRAVIS!
I wish I could hug his dear family right now. We are praying unceasingly for his miracle.
I wish I could hug his dear family right now. We are praying unceasingly for his miracle.
Deep breath….
I don’t understand all these outcomes, and I don’t pretend to. I just pray…..and HOPE.
But, one thing I do know:
I don’t take life for granted. I don’t take her pink lips for granted. I don’t take her “made new” beating heart for granted. I don’t take her warm breath on my shoulder for granted.
I don’t take life for granted. I don’t take her pink lips for granted. I don’t take her “made new” beating heart for granted. I don’t take her warm breath on my shoulder for granted.
With every squish, cuddle, hug and kiss on those gooey sweet cheeks and perfect rose bud mouth, I want to melt to my knees in utter praise and adoration for His miracles and mercy. I don’t know what tomorrow holds…none of us do.
but I HOLD on SO tightly to the miracles of TODAY
but I HOLD on SO tightly to the miracles of TODAY
…it overwhelms me….
February is CHD awareness month.
PRAYING UNCEASINGLY FOR ALL THE CHD WARRIORS WE KNOW….and THEIR BRAVE FAMILIES!
Praying for MIRACLES and strength!
I have often thought that maybe I was the one who got “the new heart”……this is truth and love at its best when we are brokenhearted for others and then can pray. Yes, we can pray.