Its hard to imagine all that our sweet Tahlia can NOT quite comprehend yet, being that all she knew was orphanage life. My heart hurts to think of what life was like for her the past 20 months of her life.
I will often find myself in a stoic trance, like a deer caught in headlights pondering this reality. I will get hit with a rush of ache as my my mind makes parallels by what she “knew and had” and what she is experiencing now, and the unfamiliarity of what should be so so natural. Quite frankly, its many things that we all just take for granted, cause you never really have to teach them, they just naturally become understood by your biological child whose been raised in a nurturing family unit.
Tahlia is at a tricky age, because when she sees something unfamiliar, she is smart enough and old enough to want to try and process it. Well, some of these things just aren’t finding a home in her mind, especially if it’s never existed before in her “understanding”. She hasn’t had enough experience to rationalize that fact that just because something didn’t exist in her world, doesn’t make it not good.
For instance, she will sometimes get upset when she sees daddy and I cuddling up together and being affectionate while playing toys on the floor with her. I may scoot next to him and cuddle into him, and well, just show her that we love eachother as a mommy and daddy naturally do in front of their kiddies. Well, she just gets very unsure and almost shuts down. She gets confused, and won’t even come to momma :(. She even buries her face in the floor and whimpers. She just can’t wrap her brain around the concept of a “mommy/daddy” unit. She has never seen a mommy/daddy relationship. Its confusing for her, so it makes her feel insecure. That makes me so sad. I know in time her memories of “us” will start being the dominating force in her brain and not be so “in competition” with the memories of her former life.
Another concept that Tahlia has never experienced is the great love and care that goes into you when you get hurt. Well, friends…I am happy to say that our work of making a big, over-loving, deal out of her “boo-boos” is paying off!
Today, while outside with momma, she tripped and skidded a little bit on the side walk and hurt her hand. There was a tiny bit of blood. She still doesn’t cry when she gets hurt, but she has started to show us her pain with whimpers. She then points to the boo-boo and asks for a kiss. This is very very good. We want her to know that family is for compassion and care, and she no longer needs to fend for herself. So, today when she got hurt and whimpered, I thought it would be a great time to introduce her to the beautiful, magical, healing powers of the “band-aid”. When she got hurt I immediately swept her up, carried her in (all the while making comments about her boo-boo, and momma making it all better). Then, I covered it with a beautiful “angry birds” band-aid. She didn’t try and peel it off, she just would continue to point to it and ask for kisses, as I would smother her in them. And, she has even learned to squish her face into the “woe is me, I am so hurt, help me” look! Its too cute!!
Well, then the kids and daddy walked in from school….and oh, boy did she EVER milk it for all it was worth. I was so giddy by all the compassion and mercy that was flowin’ into this child, that I had to grab my camera and start snappin’ away!
And, the siblings…well, they were SO ON BOARD!! ANd, wow, do they ever know how to shower the love! They know that Tahlia is learning this important family concept, so they just COVERED HER IN KISSES!!!!!! She even requested some boo-boo kisses from dada!
She is so loved! I love that she is learning to seek love from us, as a family unit.
I always enjoy your observations. It sounds like you are doing such a wonderful job…way to go Mama! May God's grace abound to you today! T is so lovely.