state of “aftershock”

This is going to be a quick post with no pics….simply because I don’t have much time or energy for blogging lately….

I am hoping to get back to it sometime soon, to miraculously carve some time away to get some awesome memories, some chaotic thoughts and sweet photos documented….because I really miss it (thank God for instagram’s fast, no thinking, way to document life)

But, the reality is this:
1)  school starts in less than a month and I have no plans written, books ordered or pencils bought. Must get on that soon.

2)   I am the mama to 6 amazing and beautiful kiddies, two of which require a LOT of my attention…and 4 of which still need my attention and will certainly get it before my blog does.

3)  I am tired

4)  I am tired
5) I need to prioritize

So, blog land will be left void for a while…..Feel free to follow me on instagram where most updates happen.

I do want to take a second to talk about something that I have been going through, besides complete exhaustion…
There is a bit of a paralysis in my soul which has dimmed and dulled my creative and thirsty mind.
I feel like the old me who loved to read, and create and do fun things with the kids is hiding temporarily. Hoping it is temporary, ’cause I miss her.
 I feel a bit sluggish and blah……

And, the best way I have found to explain it is that I feel like I am in a bit of “aftershock” from all that we have seen God do this past year in our lives.
We have seen HIS miracles up close and personal, and it is just SO hard to feel normal and function normally after those sort of mountain-top experiences.

Our faith has been strengthened, yet my soul feels a bit numb.
And it does not help that I am having a hard time making time to study God’s word and I feel that void in my spirit.  I miss His Word and I know I just need to make the time.
If theres time to mindlessly scroll instagram and facebook, then…there is certainly time to read HIS WORD…and get food for life.
I am realizing that I am a creature of habit and when my rhythm gets off, then everything gets off.  So, I am hoping to find my groove again, and my “umph” to search for that groove again.

We watched God just one year ago prepare to blow our socks off. It was at this time that He was cultivating our hearts to see our Gianna Lilyfaith for the first time.  Oh how thankful I am that we were in HIS word and didn’t miss HIS voice…..
In fact, my TimeHop for today’s was this: (my fb status one year ago)

Yeah, he was fertilizing the soil of our hearts to prepare us for the HUGE invitation that He was going to place on our lives.
We had no idea HOW BIG HE WAS GOING TO MOVE. But, I could feel the pre-rumblings….and I  knew, I just knew God was bringin’ forth something tremendous in our lives soon.

So, reflecting on this sobers me to the reality that I need to get back in HIS word on a regular basis, so I don’t miss HIS voice.
 I need HIM now more than ever as we navigate the new territory of a family of 8, as I feel more stretched then ever before as a mama of 6, and as we seek answers for Gianna’s future heart surgeries.

So, all this to say….that I am not myself…I am not who I was prior to bringing Gianna home.
I am finding a new groove…..I think. Or maybe I am hoping to find that groove.
I am Praying for the ability to  give myself grace to let go of what I can’t do, and balance and wisdom to prioritize that which I NEED to do and that which I desire to do and do well.

Please give me grace…I am not faithful at much these days. SO much falls by the wayside.
But, when I lay my head down at night if I was faithful at loving my Jesus, my babies and husband, and spending quality time touching, laughing and loving with them….. THEN….and only then I consider that a successful day. Everything else is meaningless without that being my first priority.

 I am so thankful that God took us to the mountain-top to reveal HIS glory to US…..we are changed forever after seeing HIS face, HIS power up close.  AS we come back down to normal life, I pray for the ability to apply that new understanding of who HE is….and the understanding of HIS power into our everyday lives. Because, it is BIG…HE IS SO BIG. and after seeing that…you just don’t go back to normal.
So, I guess you could say we are still looking for our new normal or “not normal” in this “after-shock” season of life.
Normal is boring anyways.. 😉

quick Gianna update:
She had her catherization and another sedated echo to better understand and chart a course for future surgeries.  Please pray for wisdom as doctors from 3 different top heart hospitals will be conferring and discussing
….there are two possible future surgical paths that we could take with her heart. Both have different short and long term risks…..
We want to make the best decision.
Trusting the one who miraculously, fearfully and wonderfully made her and trusted her to us will show us the right path to best help her.

We are so thankful for this precious daughter, this ray of sunshine in our lives.

thank you for your continued prayers….