Exactly 8 years ago our lives were forever changed.
We received the best Christmas present ever. I remember standing in that hot, sticky civil affairs room with my husband and oldest daughter, among many other waiting scared families, in what felt like one of the most broken, yet beautiful moments of our lives.
We were standing on the edge of a mountain, with no idea what to expect as we anxiously awaited the “jump.”
Then….around the corner she came. There she was, and our breaths were literally taken away. We were handed a scared, precious and most beautiful baby girl with the most soulful, round, deep brown eyes that completely mesmerized us.
I remember My heart was simultaneously filled with such abounding joy, and yet entirely breaking and deeply aching as we beheld her scared face and red chapped cheeks, swollen eyes and delicate, frail frame.
From that moment on…her story of loss was never lost on me as I witnessed her tears falling down her face and the grief overtaking her most tender and brave heart.
Such a holy, hard moment of fear and faith crashing together in a storm of powerful, blazing light. Immediately our hearts fell fiercely in love with our baby girl and we were abruptly transformed … right into eternity.
Holding our precious baby girl, Our eyes were suddenly opened and the trajectory of our lives profoundly shifted forever in that sacred delivery room in Southern China, 8 years ago. Our precious, little warrior daughter with the most tender of hearts, and the most bravest of survival stories, forever wrecked us for the orphan. We knew, from that surreal moment on, that our lives would be different and HAD to look different to fully honor such a brokenness.
Because, you just do not walk away unchanged from such a holy and hard moment like this one …you. just. can. not. look the other way.
You do not remain the same. You do not return to your western culture, cushy life without being simply UNDONE with the witnessing of God in this place, through these eyes…through this broken heart.
You see, it was God who was reaching down to save us.
“We” were the ones being rescued that day.
We were the ones being redeemed.
We were shattered and then remade on that holy ground, holding our beautiful treasure, 8 years ago, witnessing what God was doing through our shaky-knees and scared YES.
I can not imagine how predictable our lives would have been had we missed out on such beauty and brokenness and kept to the “safe and unrisky paths.” …what if fear had won?….
then, we would have missed out! We would have missed HIS holy invitation to witness HIS redeeming love.
We would have missed out on three more additional beautiful warriors over the next 8 years. We would have missed out on knowing so much love and seeing God so present and so big and so powerful.
Because…..THIS….This is our Father’s heart. Those children, they are HIS heart. This is how to come close to God’s heart…. This is how to know His will.
You go where they are. You let “their” broken be “your” broken. You let “their” pain be “your” pain.
You bleed with them.
You take the broken way…. You allow yourself to be crushed, and put back together in a way…into a person that you never would have recognized before.
You let yourself be made new. Because, that is what redeeming love does for each of us, does it not?
And our Tahlia….she is our pioneer world changer for our family and our first China lovie! Her huge life opened our door and splayed our hearts wide open to deeper living and bolder loving. Her brave life teaches us that the most meaningful living happens drastically outside your own comfort zone, in that new landscape where you can hardly breathe!
Because, on the other side of all that paralyzing fear is the most precious treasures in all the world. On the other side of that huge faith-mountain, named “unknown,” is the most messiest and miraculous story that you were absolutely made for.
On the other side of that steep precipice called fear is a powerful YES….that will crush the trembling fear with a love that makes you simple undone.
Tahlia’s precious life is what first taught us that Love is worth all the risk in that blind faith-jump from “utterly safe” to “gloriously sacred.”
This broken way….It is not easy…. it will wreck all your ideas of perfection. It will wreck your families. It will wreck your confidence and your heart. But then it will reform and reshape your understanding of the PERFECT love that the Father has lavished on us.
This “yes” will remake you into a vessel of HIS love.
…and Love is worth being wrecked for.
We are overwhelmed and humbled by God’s Grace.
ALL. HIS. GRACE
Grace that love would radically take us in.
Grace that Ruined us for status quo.
Grace that Ruined us for normal.
Saved by Grace.
We love you, Tahlia Xiuhanna!! You are such a beautiful gift from God. Your gorgeous smile, your infectious laugh, your gentle and kind, empathetic heart, your silly spirit and your creative and fierce determination forever lights up our lives! We are so incredibly thankful to be yours forever!
Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of her radiant life and for reaching down and rescuing our family from our own plans for our lives.
Thank you for inviting us into her hallowed story of loss and redemption. I’m so grateful to a God who is never done revealing His story and allows us the honor to witness all His miracles.
All. His. Grace.
Here is Tahlia’s adoption journey….. I can not watch this without crying. So many miracles!