Here we are Together on Masaya Volcano, in Nicaragua.
We were speechless, and in awe of the mighty visible hand of GOD that this scene held…
There are no words for that first moment when you look down into the great abyss of fire, darkness and ash. It literally takes your breath away as you feel the terror of the boiling fires that turn and twirl… the fires and empty hot space that seem to want to swallow you alive.
But, if you look up from that dark hole into the glorious clouds above, you will see an old cross that stands above the boiling crater. Yes, there is a cross.
I did not know at the time, but I later came to learn that in the 16th century the Spanish baptized this active volcano “La Boca del Infierno” or “The Mouth of Hell”. Then they planted a cross, “La Cruz de Bobadilla” near the crater in order to defeat the devil.
This is so powerful.
If you look down….. you see what feels like death and destruction. But, look up … and there is the cross standing over it all.
Jesus over all.
The cross stands. Our whole family just stood amazed. I can still hear my Gianna squealing with wonder and awe and a little fear too.
This scene, this moment… it was not lost on us. But, little did we know how much more meaningful this moment would become for us …
You see….We did not know that just 2 months from that sacred moment, we would be living out this aching metaphor and be walking through our own hottest fires we’ve ever imagined.
Now here we are….27 months of living life on top of a volcano.
Sometimes the days can feel calm but then …out of nowhere, you are mercilessly thrusted to the edge to stare down death.
You are blindsided with a glimpse at the boiling and smoking fire inside the dark hole of the mountain.
And each morning I wake up to a new glimpse at an ever existing-grand canyon sized crater that screams to be filled, calmed and cured by her presence. This ginormous hole aches daily for my baby girl!
This is grief.
The crater that wretches and wails for her touch, for the undone memories, for lost giggles, kisses, school planning, summer vacationing, and a stolen future.
The hole that screams death.
A hole only heaven can fill.
Some days the fire will graciously calm to embers that smolder and lowly rumble with a continual hum of ashes, ache and sorrow
…but sometimes that deep chasm will overflow and roar and threaten to eat me alive as it boils and rises up and explodes with no mercy for those in its path.
Child loss feels a lot like a life-long residence on top of an unpredictable volcanic mountain.
The unforeseen marriage of the green, lively edge of the earth that kisses a massive and gaping burning hole of death.
A paradoxical collision of flourish next to fire.
Growth next to grief.
Life up here screams of heartbreaking loss…
But it also shouts of HOPE too.
This holy perspective unearths a palpable truth that burns hotter than this volcanic fire.
There is a Hope rising from the deep trenches of pain.
A louder echo that sings above the screaming fire.
Because this hot roaring edge of existence also reveals the blazing sunrise of eternity.
The Truth of Eternity becomes so much clearer as it collides with the reality and heartbreak of Death.
The cross Stands over all. This is what saves us all.
Here is the grace in all of it:
When we find ourselves at this holy space, changed and scorched forever by pain and love and loss…..
When we find ourselves in this aching space lived at the edge between heaven, earth…. and what feels like the edges of Hell. ….the place Where nothing will ever be the same again.
We then discover that we have been pushed to the fringe of the world where great pain has birthed incredible life altering perspective. Where above the ravaged landscape, the veil between heaven and earth has become so thin and truth has to stand over all.
That Holy place where great fire has brought forth great gold.
And this place where we feel we could die and burn is where the old rugged cross stands so sure… it stands over us, with us, around us in the fires of life.
Only the cross.
Where only the cross crushes the power of Hell and death.
Because this is the hotter fire… Jesus is a blazing victory of HOPE.
This is the all consuming fire of HOPE.
A flame that blooms new life from the wasteland.
A Holy Spirit fire that overcomes the Mouth of Hell!
A fire that swallows death once and for all.
Only the cross is the rescue of Hope.
Are you at the edge of a fiery hole that feels like HELL … do you feel like you live near a crater that wants to swallow you whole? Is there a hole that screams loss and pain in your heart?
Remember, you are not alone.
There is another over the fire. There is ONE who is acquainted with all your sorrows….and HE HAS MADE A WAY TO HOPE.
He has saved us. He will fill the HOLE with life one day!
We are HIS…. We are bought with a cross.
Look up, torn and tattered soul… there is Jesus, He is with you and HE will never let you go.
He stands over all…. making a way to HOPE.
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
(Isaiah 43:1-2)
You can read Gianna’s story here and to hear about her legacy, you can read here